When we’re feeling angry or hurt, our instinct is to shut down and protect ourselves from that ever happening again.
I see this all the time with love and intimacy. This was where I used to go without fail in my own relationship.
I remember if my husband was being cold, distant, or angry, I would match him. Often I would take it even further by saying things I thought would hurt, be dismissive of him, or give him the silent treatment. I wanted to wake him upand I wanted him to tell me how he felt, how he loved me, and didn’t want to lose me.
I thought energetically punishing him would “make” him step up. I thought that matching his negativity would wake him up and motivate him to fix the situation.
I was so wrong.
What actually happens when we do this is we make the situation even worse.
When we close our heart up, he’s inspired to do the same.
It’s the feminine energy that silently leads the relationship dynamic.
Once we realize this, it changes everything!
You will be amazed at how powerful the feminine energy is in setting the tone of a relationship. It truly is magical, and brings such confidence, lightness, and joy to a once insecure, heavy, and sad situation.
Love will no longer will feel hard or like it’s draining you of energy.
Three Ways To Keep Your Heart Open
Change cannot occur if we don’t realize what we’re instinctively doing to protect ourselves.
The next time you’re in a situation where he says something snarky, dismissive, or rude, try bringing awareness first to everything that comes up for you.
Do you want to react right away? Do you feel a surge of emotions that you’re not quite sure how to sit with?
I know for me, I want to react right away. I have good awareness now, so I sit with those feelings of urgency and allow them to pass. I bite my tongue in the moment. I know on a deeper level that I will have a chance to say what I need to say, but not in a way that is going to cause more damage.
Instead in the moment, I’ll say something like:
“That feels bad to hear.”
I don’t engage or match him. I don’t take the bait. It takes awareness to stop this cycle in its tracks. This change starts with the feminine energy leading silently.
2. Commit To Being A Peaceful Woman…No Matter What
When we commit to keeping our area “clean” we don’t engage in anything that is going to make it messy.
There is such power in this. It can feel in the beginning like we’re not sticking up for ourselves, or speaking our mind. Yet true strength is in taking responsibility for ourselves and how we show up. Setting a boundary peacefully and recognizing we only have control over ourselves.
I remember times when my husband would try to “bait” me. After I committed fully to being a peaceful woman I handled it very differently.
I would say something like:
“That feels bad to hear. I don’t want to argue, I’m going to go for a walk.”
“I don’t want to fight. I’d like to talk later when feeling more calm.”
He will notice this. In the space, he will feel that you’re a woman who took the high road, and a woman who can handle difficult emotions without putting them on anyone.
When he is shut down, withdrawn, or cold, what changes everything is warmth.
Space is very healing for a man, so we want to create space to give him time to heal.
Yet within this space, we want to also be warm and open to him.
The only way to really do this is to get ourselves feeling good authentically. Get your focus off of him, and get busy getting happy!
When you’re around him, or when he tests the waters, you can respond with warmth easily because you’ve been focused on feeling good instead of why he’s in a bad mood or in your head wondering if he’s ever going to snap out of it.
Creating space and warmth demonstrates trust that he will work it out on his own.
This is so powerful in healing a masculine energy man’s heart.
My passion is to help women have the relationship they deeply desire. Nothing brings me more joy than helping a woman heal herself to have the relationship of her dreams.
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