Relationships

Combating Lonliness At Holiday Time

Holidays can be a time of emotional extremes for many of us. There can be these moments where we are feeling so alive, compassionate, sentimental, and loving. THEN there can be moments for many of us where we feel lonely, sad, nostalgic, ETC. Clients often share that self-care goes out the window with all of the planning, obligations, and PRESSURE that they start to feel as that time sneaks closer. I can also completely relate to this!
I also think that for me, the holidays bring up feelings of hope, as well as reflection. This can feel like two emotional extremes at times, so can get kind of intense!
They also have had a tendency in the past to bring out my INNER CHILD , and I can tend to go back to a place of the past if I don’t practice solid self care and being present. My emotions then start to take over if I don’t catch myself.
When I was healing my relationship, I made what my guy did or didn’t do during the holidays such a big deal. I gave it all so much MEANING. I didn’t realize that so much of it was my own stuff and that I was setting him up to fail. My own unhappiness and perceived LACK is what was making me unhappy. I was focusing on all of the things I didn’t have vs. all of the things that I had. I was setting myself up to be miserable.
Now when I start to feel some of my old stuff come up at this time of the year, whether it be when I am visiting my parents, siblings, old friends, ETC., I simply allow myself to FEEL my emotions, while also turning towards things that feel good to me. I take notice if there is an old diaogue I am having with myself that no longer serves me, or I ask myself: What do I need?
Breaking up these old thought patterns that no longer serve us can be the the first step in going a different direction.
For me this often looks like stepping out to take a walk, going to a cafe and having a quiet cup of coffee by myself, taking a yoga class, doing some breath work (4 count inhales and six count exhales).
It can also look like indulging in some comfort food, watching some bad television, and just completely being ok with where I am in that moment. I don’t have to BE anything other than exactly who I am.
What does this look like for you? AND are you doing it, or are you allowing your obligations to take over and the negative emotions to lead you?
Let me know how this feels for you!

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