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Relationships

Five Things Not To Do When He Is Pulling Away

If your guy is pulling away, this blog will help you to STOP doing five of the main things that cause him to pull further and further that can ultimately lead to full disconnection.

I know it is hard not to panic when suddenly there is tension, distance, and space. However, if this is not handled the right way, the relationship will continue to disconnect.

#1

Asking Him What Is Wrong Or How He Feels

If your guy is pulling away, I recommend that a woman immediately LEAN BACK and get the focus on herself.

Talking about the relationship or having serious discussions about what is wrong will only cause further disconnection! I know this feels completely counterintuitive because we as women connect by talking about things. This is not how a man connects and feels close to us.

I recommend that a woman get busy with filling up her life and making herself happy. He will take notice and step up! A woman doesn’t have to do anything to earn a man’s love or affection if he is the right man for her.

#2

Focusing On Him And What He Is Thinking Or Feeling

The second thing I recommend to a woman who’s man is pulling away, is to get out of his head! We do not know what a man is thinking or feeling unless he tells us, and he can feel all of that energy on him which then feels like unspoken pressure. If a woman is focused on herself and her happiness first, this pressure is lifted and her vibe feels soft, light, and fun. A man is going to move towards this because it feels good to be around that!

He knows that her happiness is not based on what he chooses to do or not do.

#3 

Walking On Eggshells 

Often when a man is pulling away, a woman will feel like she has to be perfect in order to not make things worse. The man then feels that the woman is scared to lose him and senses that she is putting his needs above her own.

He can’t respect that.

If a man senses that there is no fear from a woman in walking away from a situation that doesn’t feel right for her, he knows that she is choosing him vs. needing him.

He knows this is a high quality woman that puts her self respect over everything else. He then feels free and will put in the work to be with her and move the relationship forward!

#4

Filling In The Space

A mistake that is commonly made is that when he gets quiet, the woman steps up and tries to fill in this gap by overcompensating in her actions or words. This could look like asking a lot of questions, talking out of discomfort, talking to prompt him, subtly trying to remind him of her value,  or in seeking his approval.

I always recommend to women to take notice of where the need to take action is coming from. If there is any fear or sense of lack underneath, stay still and allow the feelings or action and urgency to pass.

#5 

Internalizing The Negative Emotions 

When a man is pulling away, women almost always want to put the blame on themselves and turn this into being all about them and their short comings. I often will hear things such as:

If I were prettier…

If I were smarter..

If I were more patient…

If I would have done this or that, etc.

It is important to notice how we want to make things our fault and beat up on ourselves for not being perfect.

This first starts with awareness. After recognizing that you are allowing the situation with a man to lead to this, it is important to recognize that this will only lead a woman to feel worse about herself, more helpless, and more desperate.

Being able to maintain a strong sense of self worth even when things are not going well is key to getting things back into balance. If a woman continues to hold herself high, and does not allow what a man does or doesn’t do MEAN anything about her, the man will heal SO much quicker.

As always, I would love to hear how this feels for you and your situation.

If you are feeling a bit lost or confused in your relationship or could simply use some tools and coaching around this, contact me to schedule a free 30 minute call.

Jen Michelle

 

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