We often think that to find love, deserve love, and to keep love, we need to BE a certain way, IMPRESS a certain way, or PROVE our worthiness a certain way. We think that just to BE our true authentic self is not enough to attract and keep the man of our dreams. So what happens is we start creating all of these “layers” and “barriers” around how we “think” we need to be to deserve the love we want.
We think that if we can show how much we know about something he likes, or if we show how smart we are, how well traveled or cultured, how successful we are, or how sexual we are, that then we will have the love we want. This is not how it works. All of this diminishes our worth as why do we feel that our authentic self is not enough? He can’t connect to all that “stuff” that we create that hides who we truly are! Why do we feel that we have to have anyone’s approval of how amazing we are but our own? So much of the time we are not even aware that we are subconsciously trying to prove our worth to a man.
Underneath all these barriers and layers is the FEAR of not being good enough, or simply not being “enough” as we are. Inspiring a man to connect to us involves breaking down these barriers and uncovering the layers. I know that this can feel counterintuitive to many of us, as we have spent so much time trying to BE or PROVE something to find that connection. The thing is, when we can connect and embrace who we authentically ARE, he feels that. He feels inspired to move close as we learn to BE ourselves and to be REAL. It’s not about being perfect. He can feel when you are TRULY loving yourself and having nothing to show or prove. That you can just BE authentically real and compassionate and accepting of yourself.
Consider that THIS vulnerability is what inspires him to connect and feel safe with us! This is also incredibly attractive and magnetic to a man. If we KNOW our value and worth, there is no need to seek approval from a man or anyone else. By valuing ourselves, he does too! It all starts with breaking down the barriers and layers we have told ourselves are necessary to have the love we want.
How would it feel to just BE as you are, and embrace the fact that you do not have to be perfect to have the love you want? This also means that you do not have to feel amazing all of the time. Consider that being able to handle and manage all of our complex emotions while not “placing them” on anyone else is key in accessing this. That can look like sharing when you are feeling sad, mad, frustrated, and anxious. It’s not about being perfect or being happy ALL the time.
As you learn to be authentic and express how you feel without dumping all those emotions on someone else for fixing, you are creating a safe, vulnerable, authentic place that shows you are REAL. You also are demonstrating through your actions that you can handle difficult and painful emotions. I remember that I felt like I used to have to hide who I really was to a man. I thought that I had to prove something first. That simply leaning back and being myself would never be enough to have my dream relationship. I realized that this was a story I created and it was completely untrue! I started to ask myself why I couldn’t just be real, and just be me.
So as I peeled the layers off, I started to truly unapologetically be me. This completely connects me to my man as I am not trying to be something that I am not. Because I love and value myself, he feels safe and wants to connect with me. Next time you feel like you are modifying your behavior or walking on glass, consider asking yourself why? Let me know how this feels for you!