If our love life is feeling a bit off track, then it’s safe to assume that we’re not feeling as happy or filled up as we would like.
When we’re feeling anxious, sad, scared, hopeless, or frustrated, we tend to want to go into action mode.
We want to fix it and make something happen quickly!
We start to get in our heads even more to assess the situation. We start looking for evidence to support our point of view.
This is when we start building a case file in our heads, and then start subconsciously start playing it out in our life.
It’s often then that we decide we can’t hold it in any longer and we tell a man everything we’re feeling.
This usually doesn’t go well.
He’ll often share that he has no idea what we’re talking about, or ask where is this coming from?
We don’t realize that we’ve just catastrophized a situation in our head and are now reacting to it in real life.
I remember in my relationship, my go-to when my tank was empty, was to talk about the relationship.
Of course what I was doing in those moments, was looking for a way to fill my empty tank, but instead I was taking action from a negative place, which resulted in me feeling even more empty and depleted.
I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to make me feel better. In fact, he did the opposite. He pulled away, or said he couldn’t talk about it.
One day he actually said to me “I can’t fill the void you’re feeling. It’s endless.”
When he told me that, it broke my heart. I knew that there was such truth in it. Taking action from my empty tank led to him feeling like he could never make me happy, and he resented me for it.
What Turned It All Around:
All of my stumbling along the way taught me a lot. I eventually came to the realization that there has to be a different way of approaching love
All change starts with awareness, then with acceptance. Acceptance of what is instead of resisting it or denying it.
I learned to say “ok” to the things that were true, but hard to hear.
I learned to take responsibility for my happiness in a real way.
I decided not to stay stuck in it.
I started to put some drops back in my own tank instead of asking him to do it.
I learned to take “no” for an answer and go take care of myself.
Saying “okay” to feedback from our partner can be very difficult.
Even if said in the most loving or non-accusatory manner, it can bring up a lot of emotions.
Saying “okay” though, does not mean that you’re not standing up for yourself. It simply means we’re hearing our partners point of view and we’re no longer resisting it or attacking it.
This allows a masculine energy partner to feel heard and respected.
This is such a huge step in healing a strained and tense dynamic.
This then leads us to taking control of our own happiness in a real way.
When a man has shared his truth with us or we sense he’s pulled away, once we accept it, we can start owning our own happiness.
When we accept what is we realize, it’s not going to happen from him right now!
As we start to feel into our own needs and desires, we create powerful changes.
Since masculine energy men learn through actions and not through words, this has a huge impact on whether or not he believes he can make us happy.
Once we start putting our own happiness into action, he feels this and starts to feel more motivation and hope. He may not know why, but the feeling in his gut on the relationship will start to shift.
As we feel into being happy independent of him, we’re so less inclined to want to stay stuck in the negative cycle of emotions that leave us with an empty tank.
We feel so empowered when we’re feeling good, so we move on, gracefully, and lovingly to a better feeling place.
As we learn this, we can pull ourselves up out of a funk and start to put some “drops” back in our own tank.
I know for me this can mean listening to an empowering podcast, finding some inspiration in a book or video, checking in with myself and what it is I feel like I’m needing.
Sometimes I need to go exercise and clear my head, sometimes I need to call a friend, or get out of the house. I might need a better night of sleep or more water. Other times, I’m not feeling pretty, so maybe I’ll go get a manicure or a pedicure. I move towards a better feeling state and I build momentum around it.
When we learn how to do this and take responsibility for our own happiness, what he says or doesn’t say, or does or doesn’t do, isn’t going to break us.
I learn to express myself without needing a certain response or action from him. In turn, he feels that so can’t wait to contribute to my pleasure.
This changes everything.
I love helping women create the big love of their dreams. If you’re relationship is feeling cold or distant, or if he’s already left, there is hope.
My Get Your Ex Back Program will help give some immediate tools to start attracting him back in a powerful way.
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