Women often come to me for coaching to achieve the objective of “getting him back”. This can mean the man has physically left the relationship, that he has left the relationship emotionally, or anywhere in between. There is a lot of fear and deep rooted issues that come up for us when our intimate relationships are unstable or in crisis. Many of the strong emotions that come up actually have nothing to do with the man, but with the relationship we have with ourselves. We have an inner voice guiding us, and what that voice is saying influences the energy and dynamic of the relationship.
Women typically do not come to me seeking to heal themselves. They come to me with a very specific objective. This objective is to get the man back…and to get him back FAST.
This is what I work with women in achieving, yet in this healing of the relationship is so much more. When the energy of a woman starts to soften and move into the feminine (soft,warm, open, BEING present and BEING the invitation) the contrasting energies of the masculine and feminine start to create the polarity needed to bring the man back.
When a woman is in her masculine energy (doing, action-oriented, problem solving, figuring out) he cannot connect and doesn’t know why. If you are with a masculine man his energy is in this same space. The dynamic then is one of conflict or competition. He doesn’t have that FEELING he needs to connect, but doesn’t know why. It is just an instinctual gut feeling that it doesn’t feel right…so he starts to pull away.
When this happens a woman in her masculine energy will go into ACTION mode. She wants to FIX it and FAST. It feels URGENT (urgency is also BOY energy) and these strong emotions of wanting to fix along with urgency make everything worse and he starts to pull away even more. So then, she will often start trying to fix more and feel even a stronger sense of urgency. This leads to complete disconnection with no understanding of why all of her efforts didn’t bring him back.
How To Bring Back The Love
I remember early in my relationship before I did this work, my husband and I were both in our masculine energy and he would pull away. I would start wanting to know why and would ask if he was ok and want to “talk” about what was wrong and about the relationship. I would seek reassurance from him and would initiate all kinds of affection just to feel completely alone and hopeless.
Once I started to learn about this work and how my BOY energy was creating such disconnection, I started to re-develop the relationship I had with myself, but didn’t even know that was what I was doing, as at that time my only “objective” was to get him back.
It completely snuck up on me that as I was shifting the relationship, I was also healing a deeper wound within myself.
The first step I took in healing my relationship was doing NOTHING. Creating space and allowing him to initiate. I learned that it did not feel good to me unless my man felt free to give it. I learned that it was fear behind my action, an attempt to distort and manipulate for love, but it wasn’t the truth, so I had to learn to let go. He felt that I needed something from him, so I had to let go and give him the freedom and space to give or not to give.
As I did nothing, so much came up for me. I remember feeling terrified. I was so used to doing everything and making it all happen, that leaning back brought my deepest fears to the surface. Yet there was a freedom in it, as it felt authentic and true. I wasn’t trying to cover anything up anymore or disguise it. This created a shift and it took about two weeks for me to start to see the beginning of change. The amazing thing about men is that they can heal fast, and are super open to us when they see and feel change. It is all in the actions and nothing that can be communicated in words.
Have you tried to create a shift in your relationship by creating space? If you need some tools to get him back, get my free report and newsletters here:
Reconnecting to your feminine energy is so powerful.