If you are feeling anxious or stuck in your relationship, I want you to know that there IS a way to change this.
The way to creating a shift in the relationship starts with the woman creating that shift within herself.
I had to ask myself years ago why I was overcompensating in my relationship. I had to look deeper and see what was underneath this.
It brought out all of the unhealed “stuff” within me that I carried over into the relationship I had with my husband.
Once I was able to acknowledge that hard truth and accept it, I was then able to start dealing with it.
This required me to be open, honest, and vulnerable in a way I hadn’t been with anyone ( including myself) before.
I started taking note of when I was giving to get. When I felt like I had to take action instead of just being myself. Being yourself is enough and one of the most common beliefs under the urge to overcompensate in a relationship is the belief that you are not enough just as you are! The belief that you need to “earn” love or work for it.
Once a woman starts to recognize this pattern within herself, she can then Stop taking action from that space.
This looks like showing up to the relationship without a plan. Being present in the moment. Leaning back and shifting that old unhealthy belief to one of acceptance and confidence.
The healing does not happen overnight! But with that continued awareness, it happens.
Some ways to hold that sense of confidence and acceptance is by putting the focus 100 percent on yourself!
To create internally that sense of security and confidence that we can so often look for outside of ourselves…
Men can feel when we are needing something outside of ourselves. This feels like obligation and expectation and that pushes them away. It gives off a needy and insecure vibe, a vibe that they feel in their gut that something is off. The truth is that a man can only love us as much as we love ourselves! It is nothing that can be put into words, but it is a FEELING he will have in his gut about the woman and the relationship!
Some ways to bring the focus 100 percent back to yourself include:
Any time you catch yourself overly focused on what he may be thinking or feeling…bring the focus back to yourself. We don’t know what he is thinking or feeling unless he tells us so there is no point to speculate on something we don’t know, especially if it is something that it just going to feel bad!
-Re-engage in getting to know yourself!
Meditation is a great way to do this. Looking inward for what we need allows us to authentically connect to ourselves.
-Any form of physical movement that feels good. This could be getting outdoors and taking long walks. It could be yoga, dancing, joining a gym, joining a group exercise class. All of this will get a woman out of her head and into her body which facilitates the shift of dropping out of the head and into her heart and body.
-Engaging in new activities or revitalizing past interests or passions that fell off due to the relationship or not making it a priority.
This could be that knitting class you always wanted to try, cooking, baking, art, volunteering, etc. A great way to get the focus off of ourselves is to be of service.
Thinking about a passion you have and devoting some time to give back to it, this lights us up on the inside and creates that AUTHENTIC shift in a woman’s vibe.
As always I would love to hear how this feels for you!!