I often get asked what to do when a woman who is becoming more and more aware of herself and is making some serious positive changes in the relationship, but finds herself in a situation where she slips back into old patterns. When things are going well, and we are leaning back and he is moving forward, this feels amazing!
A woman may feel that she has got this, that nothing would allow her to revert to her old unproductive ways….
Until she becomes deeply triggered. In a moment of being unaware, he may say or do something that triggers old patterning and emotions to surface. A woman may not be aware or deeply present in such moments, and allow the old patterning and emotions to take over. So, what do you do when this happens?
When you slip up or have a bad day? Maybe you forgot to bite your tongue, or said something you later regretted…How do you get back on track without letting that negative interaction set you back?
I remember when I was learning how to just BE loving, BE present, BE the invitation and remaining in my FEMININE energy, I would get triggered and revert back to the old me.
The MASCULINE energy that wants to take action, start fixing, and making all the decisions. I would be triggered to step in and TAKE OVER.
So, when all of this was new to me, I felt the need to be PERFECT, to make no mistakes, and do everything just right. So when I wasn’t perfect, I was SO hard on myself and would feel like it was the end of the world! I would want to keep it alive, talk about the mistake, apologize again and again for my behavior, analyze it, on and on!
This just made things worse! He did not like the drama, all the emotion and discussion. Now, when I am triggered, if I am not present in that moment and I slip up and react…I apologize. Then I let it go.
No long discussion required, or DRAMA.
By staying in a positive and clean mind, I can make a mistake and let it go.
AND because I’ve learned to let it go, forgive myself, and stay out of the drama- he has too!
He TRUSTS that I can handle my emotions and has never expected me to be PERFECT. So, all this work is not about being perfect.
It’s about being PRESENT and each day setting the intention of doing the very best that we can! As we do that, we learn to love ourselves and have COMPASSION towards ourselves.
AND as he sees that in us, it allows him to fall more and more in love with us, while we are growing.
Being vulnerable, compassionate and kind to ourselves is LOVING. I will often ask clients if you were not perfect, and you made a mistake- How are you looking to feel better and recover?
Are you looking for reassurance from him or from yourself? I remember that there were many days I would have to force myself to get out of the house and go for a walk, a yoga class, go get a coffee, just to create that space to form a new way of working through my old patterns.
Over time this built a new habit and I built the foundation needed to take responsibility for how I feel without needing him to be or do anthing differently than what feels right for him. Learning how to manage strong emotions AND how to recover when you a mistake is crucial in building and sustaining that deep connection with a man.
I would love to hear how this feels for you!