I work with many women who have been in “doing” action-oriented energy in every area of their life. While this can serve us well professionally, it doesn’t usually translate to serving us the same way when it comes to love and relationships.
When in this energy with our partner, we often are subconsciously asking ourselves how we can we get what we want faster, more efficiently, and get it our way so that we don’t have to worry about it anymore. We do things with this urgency in an effort to avoid any painful feelings and start “working”
for love and acceptance. We fall into a mode of doing vs. simply allowing. Allowing is what inspires that love and connection.
I often will ask clients to look underneath their smallest of actions to explore what is driving it.
Some of these seemingly innocent and small things include reminders or questions:
“Don’t forget we have dinner plans later tonight.”
“What time will you be home?”
“ Why are you doing it that way?”
OR Taking actions such as:
Filling in that uncomfortable silent space through reminding and prompting vs. simply relaxing into it.
Jumping in to fix or solve a problem even when no one asked for help.
Feeling the need to DO something, especially with a sense of urgency, usually means we should be doing the exact opposite.
The examples can seem like such innocent interactions, yet there can be something so much deeper underneath it that needs to be healed.
I remember a time in my relationship with my husband that those “little” reminders or little “prompts” represented something so much deeper than what I tried to cleverly package them in. I wasn’t even aware of it until I started really looking within myself and started to take ownership of creating my own happiness.
Underneath my “innocent” questions and “subtle” nudges, was a deep fear of not being loved, not being valued, not feeling important, scared of being forgotten about, you name it! It brought up so many uncomfortable emotions that had nothing to do with him, yet everything to do with the relationship I had with myself.
Now I handle things much differently. I don’t ask the innocent question until I have paused and looked underneath it. Am I trying to get something? Am I seeking validation or approval of some sort? Is the question coming from a place of fear or lack?
The key to taking thoughtful action is feeling FULL, and at peace. When we feel good, our energy is going to be in a very different space and this translates powerfully to our partners.
The other question I will ask myself is what do I need? Or why am I trying to cover up how I am authentically feeling?
Lastly, what is it that I am afraid of, and how do I move towards facing it vs. moving away from it.
After I am confident that I am coming from a place of love vs. lack, this energy shifts everything. As I learned to take action from this very different space, I healed myself, and my relationship was then able to heal as well.
As always, I would love to hear how this feels for you.