If you feel like you are walking on eggshells in your relationship or feel scared of “rocking the boat” I have been there!
When we are taken over by the fear of losing a man, we can tend to turn into this extreme people pleaser in order to try and keep the peace and not set anything off.
When we are in this spot, a man can feel our fear of losing him, and he can feel that we are not putting our own feelings and desires first.
This energy creates disconnection and a lack of respect.
A masculine energy man will feel this and it will turn him off. He will stop working to please you and will feel like he doesn’t have to do anything in the relationship. It can create feelings of boredom and taken the woman for granted.
It does not allow him to cherish a woman and her feelings.
So why is setting boundaries so counterintuitive?!
We as women often believe that if we set and hold boundaries of what feels ok and not ok for us, then we are pushing him away.
Some examples of this include:
Allowing the man to not make plans days advance, and allowing him to make a last minute call to see if you are free or willing to cancel what you are doing in order to spend time with him. Accepting less than you know you deserve. This could range from him being emotionally distant to not seeming to care about what is important to you. Allowing him to keep you waiting and being chronically late or disrespectful of your timeHaving all the benefits of a relationship but not making any commitment
Does any of this sound familiar to you? If you find that you are feeling uncomfortable or like you are taking crumbs, you are likely not putting your needs and feelings first. The first step to shifting this pattern with a man is to bring some awareness to it, and noticing how you feel when it occurs. It likely does not feel good, which is a sign that we are not putting our own needs first.
When the awareness of it is there, we then get to work on changing it! This looks like…something as simple as
“I can’t.”“ I’d prefer…” (if he asks what you want, then detaching from the outcome.)“I don’t want to put pressure on the relationship, yet feel uncomfortable with sex without monogamy. It feels best to leave that off the table right now.”
When a woman is able to speak her TRUTH and hold her boundaries she is going to feel very different.
She will feel more in control of herself and her self esteem is not going to depend on what a man does or doesn’t do.
By having boundaries and respectfully maintaining them, a woman is sending off a very different vibe.
A vibe that she loves herself first, and that she will not accept less than what she knows she deserves!
This will inspire the right man to WANT to work hard in the relationship.
This will also inspire him to step up on his own and cherish her feelings.
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The love you want is completely possible.