How often is it that as women we agree to do something that we really do not want to do?
On the outside we are saying yes, but on the inside the tension and resentment are building up…?
How many times have you said yes – all the while feeling so bad that you agreed to it in the first place?
As women we have been taught very early on to be “nice” and to just “go along”. We often were rewarded from a very early age when we did things we didn’t want to do. This is what made our parents, family, peers, and teachers happy. When we said no or showed emotion, we received feedback this was not acceptable.
I remember many times where I felt like I could not say no to man out of fear of losing him. I would find myself saying yes and doing all kinds of things I didn’t want to do.
I also found myself doing all of the work and changing my plans to accommodate his. All of this was from the fear of what would happen if I said NO.
The inability to do this led to arguing and picking fights because I felt so resentful that I was doing everything.
All of the fights and arguing could have been prevented if I had known how to say no and set boundaries.
Saying no is taking care of ourselves. This is not selfish, despite what we may have been told growing up.
It is simply honoring ourselves so we show up light, happy, and authentic- all qualities that are extremely attractive to a masculine energy man.
What does “no” look like?
Let’s say a man is asking you to do something you don’t want to do or where you feel like he is not putting in any effort.
An example of this:
“How about you come here tonight, and pick up some wine and food on your way?”
In most situations, a woman is not going to feel good about this suggestion, as she is doing all of the driving and all of the work.
Often, she will feel like she just has to agree, not knowing she can use a feeling message to softly communicate what she doesn’t want.
I’m feeling so relaxed and comfortable after a long day. I don’t want to run any errands or drive tonight…”
Then…that’s it. He gets to solve it and come up with a different option.
We want to give him the space to step in and come up with a solution.
As we practice this, we start to really take ownership of our feelings and recognize when something is not feeling right. We learn to stop taking action out of fear and think about what his reaction may be, and naturally put our own needs first.
I promise you with practice this gets MUCH easier, and will DRAW him in closer! He will see you as a high value woman and someone where he has to put in the work that he naturally wants to do.
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