If you are a strong, independent, and self-sufficient woman who is used to getting things done, I can relate. I work with many women who are able to set professional goals and achieve them as soon as they set their mind to it. Often we as women think that these same skills that help us professionally, will also help us find the love and connection we want in a relationship. So there should be no concerns about initiating anything with a man whether it be calling, texting, planning, or intimacy, right?
Then after a few dates, weeks or couple of months, he starts to pull away and disconnect. This leaves a woman wondering what went wrong and how did everything suddenly change?
When a woman brings in all of the things that have helped her achieve success professionally into her romantic relationship, she is not in her feminine energy that allows a man to connect to her. A masculine energy man likes to plan, pursue, lead, initiate, etc. There is no softness, wonder, or desire to pursue her because she has already given him everything upfront. He starts to lose interest because there is no energy balance. If she is also planning, pursuing, leading, and initiating with a masculine energy man, he starts to lose the drive and interest that keeps a relationship alive. He starts to get that “gut feeling” that something isn’t right.
So how does a woman balance what works for her professionally with finding and staying in a loving passionate relationship?
There are six things I recommend to woman regarding how to soften into their feminine energy with a masculine energy man that will keep the connection and passion strong.
Allow Him To Initiate
Being able to actively receive shows a man that a woman values herself. This women knows that she doesn’t have to “do” anything to be loved, that she is enough as she is, and that she is worthy of his love and attention without having to match it in return. Being able to receive and express appreciation for all of his efforts inspires a man to want to do this even more. The more we are able to show our authentic happiness and appreciation, the more inspired he is to give.
If the woman is always in her head thinking, planning, analyzing, and coming up with an agenda- he cannot connect to her. I recommend a woman catch herself if she is in her head and return to the moment by simply relaxing into her body. Shifting the focus to being with him in that moment, enjoying him, and not worrying about events in the future or past. He can feel this, and it translates into a light, soft, and open energy that inspires him to open up and move closer.
Putting Her Feelings First
When a woman is able to authentically express and honor herself, this shows a man that a she values herself and is not afraid to lose him. Being able to listen to what feels right for her and following it without fear of his reaction shows confidence, an ability to manage difficult emotions, and that she is not coming from a place of “lack” vs. knowing that she is a woman with options!
This shows that a woman knows her value and isn’t afraid to let go of a relationship that is not everything she wants.
So often when a man talks to us, we want to interject, defend, or make the conversation about us. One of the most amazing ways to shift things is to simply listen to him with complete attention when he is talking or sharing with us. This looks like making eye contact, yet not interrupting, interjecting, or being in our heads thinking of how we can respond. This goes back to being present and allowing him to simply feel heard. This is an amazing way to build connection, show that we can manage our thoughts and emotions, and to be a safe spot for him to express what he is thinking or feeling.
Not Allowing Herself To Take Action Out Of Fear
If he is acting distant or pulling away, so often women want to fill in that space by moving closer to him.
I recommend leaning back into this, and allowing the space to be. I know this feels completely counterintuitive, yet a man can feel when a woman is taking action out of fear and this translates into insecurity, not holding herself of high value, and accepting less than how she deserves to be treated.
I always recommend a woman be herself! So often we feel a need to “mask” who we are and cover up what we are thinking and feeling. I recommend to my clients to practice actively “unlayering” how we think we should feel vs how we actually feel and taking the time to learn how to express feelings from this space. A man can feel when we are saying one thing, but feeling another. Being able to express ourselves authentically shows our vulnerability which inspires him to want to step up.
I would love to hear how this feels for you. If you could use some tools to inspire love and connection, please reach out!