The weekends can be such a stressful time in dating and relationships.
It brings up all kinds of questions and with that anxiety.
When should he be asking? When should we make other plans? Do we keep the other plans? What else is he doing over the weekend? Did he forget about us? Do we need to call him or somehow GENTLY remind him of us?
If things are new, don’t invest yourself in the relationship until you have the relationship you want. Never before six months.
It does not matter how quickly he is moving it forward. If he is introducing you to family and friends, arranging trips, having sex, etc. It does not matter.
It is very important not to lose ourselves in the beginning and not make certain actions mean anything.
It is important not to assume exclusivity, assume meaning into things when it really is just what a guy does.
Enjoy it, but don’t read into it as commitment or promise.
If things are moving fast (plans every weekend and lots of intimacy and communication) and he suddenly withdraws, or slows things down- it is very important how we handle this.
A few important pieces to this include:
DON’T call him up because you haven’t heard from him.
DON’T ask questions about how he is spending his time or the choices he is making.
DON’T ask to talk about why and share with him any painful or uncomfortable feelings around it.
This creates a sense of expectation or pressure and will cause him to withdraw even more.
If you do these things, and he does move back towards you…for example, calls you up and asks you on a date for Friday or Saturday night…
It is important to be WARM and INVITING. A common mistake with this is that when he does come back, using this as an opportunity to THEN share painful feelings or frustrations with him.
This will only cause him to withdraw again. It is important to be confident within yourself that he will come back and how you handle it when he does, is key.
Some ways of handling the anxiety, stress anger, and all the other “icky” emotions this can cause is to GET BUSY.
Do the things that make you feel good! Surrender to the fact that you cannot make him do anything and that he has to be the one to move it forward.
A man falls in love when he is giving, it is SO important that we be able to receive from him with warmth and gratitude.
If you are only focusing on him and why he hasn’t called, this will be next to impossible to do.
If you are busy making yourself feel good, you are putting yourself in a position to be HAPPY and INVITING when you do hear from him, which will inspire him to move close again.