What to do when feelings of insecurity are taking over in your relationship
No matter what stage in a relationship you are in, none of us are immune to having feelings of insecurity, neediness, and fear taking over in the relationship. This is even worse when we believe or KNOW our man isn’t acting the same or being as loving and attentive as he was in the beginning of a relationship. What most often happens when we feel this drifting is PANIC. This is actually the opposite of what we need to do, and I know that feels extremely counterintuitive. When a man pulls away or
No matter what stage in a relationship you are in, none of us are immune to having feelings of insecurity, neediness, and fear taking over in the relationship. This is even worse when we believe or KNOW our man isn’t acting the same or being as loving and attentive as he was in the beginning of a relationship. What most often happens when we feel this drifting is PANIC. This is actually the opposite of what we need to do, and I know that feels extremely counterintuitive. When a man pulls away or tells us he needs space, our instincts tell us to pull him close, tell him all of our feelings around it, or perhaps burst into tears. This can then lead to fighting, arguing, extreme insecurity, and a feeling of complete loss of control over ourselves and the relationship. When a man is energetically pulling away or shares this with us by asking for space, saying he’s confused or uncertain about things, consider that instead of trying to push it forward, taking a step back. Completely backing off and let him do the leading. This is all about surrendering control and recognizing that we do not want or need to convince anyone to be with us. For us to know our worth and value without having to justify it or earn it. For most of us women, it also does not feel good for us to manage the relationship. But when we allow fear to completely take over, that’s more often than not what we end up doing. Consider that when we want the man to lead, and we take over, we will not feel good about the relationship and neither will he! It’s in a masculines man core to be the one doing the giving and if we take that away, we both end up feeling completely resentful and stressed about the relationship. If he doesn’t feel like he can give to you freely, then it won’t feel good to him. It will feel like an obligation or controlling. When we decide to put the focus on us and learn to take care of ourselves without applying pressure or expectation, then he starts to feel free to give! If he doesn’t do anything to move the relationship forward, then we learn what we want and what we don’t want. We learn the TRUTH without manipulating it or distorting it. Consider that by putting the focus on you, you inspire his attention. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who knows exactly how to take care of herself! A woman that can manage her emotions and make herself happy are THE most attractive qualities. A woman that doesn’t need a man but wants HIM. Women often will share with me that they somehow have made their man the center of their world and in the process lost some of themselves. What would it look like to get the focus back on you? What does this look like and feel like for you? What did you do before you met your guy or what have you stopped making a priority? Some common scenarios women share with me: Stopped taking a yoga class that was part of a fun weekly routine Stopped that weekend brunch with a group of girlfriends Lost touch with friends Stopped getting coffee after work with a friend Stopped reading Stopped all the little things that made all the difference in the way we feel and face each day Consider making YOU a priority again. This will then inspire him to do the same. A man wants to Put in the effort. We often feel like if we really are into someone we have to be completely available. Consider that underneath this is FEAR. When we take action out of fear, it doesn’t feel good for him or for us. It’s about learning how to take care of ourselves in a way that completely inspires him to move things forward. This means letting go of the agenda, and having it a certain way. This means learning to trust him and most importantly, to trust yourself. As always, I want to ask- How does this feel for you?