What To Do When Your Husband Or Partner Is Depressed
I talk to many women who share that their partner is withdrawn, cold, distant, and disconnected. He says he’s depressed, or has been diagnosed with depression and doesn’t have any answers.
Maybe he doesn’t know why, and it has nothing to do with the relationship.
As women, we often can’t help internalize this and we tend to take responsibility for it, making it somehow our fault.
When a man’s lost that spark, drive, and oomph in his life, it can have a huge impact on us and our own self worth.
It’s so important to first remember, that we are all responsible for ourselves, and we only have control over us.
If he’s depressed, are we making it worse by matching him energetically?
Are we allowing ourselves to be brought down to the same level? If so, this will only make us feel even more hopeless, sad, and angry. It’s important to maintain our sense of self so we don’t make the situation worse by letting the depression lead both partners!
The other mistake I often see is that we start to inadvertently mother him. We start asking lots of questions such as:
Are you ok?
Are you mad at me?
Did I do something?
What are you feeling?
When we allow our feminine energy to take the lead by trusting and taking care of ourselves, this can have a huge impact on his confidence, motivation, and outlook.
5 Ways To Inspire Healing With A Depressed Man:
- Show Him Gratitude Everyday.
What lens are you looking at him with? If we expect him to be depressed, let us down, be incapable, or we don’t trust him- he feels this.
The reverse is also true. If we are suddenly looking at all the things he is doing, and doing well, we’re putting our focus on more of what we want to inspire.
Notice anything he does that he doesn’t have to do and thank him for it!
This will attract more of what you want and it also will help him start to lift himself up because it’s not reinforcing the beliefs he’s already struggling with.
This naturally inspires him because he starts to feel like he’s capable of giving us what we need. He starts to feel more confident in himself as a result.
2. Happy Women Are The Most Attractive Women
Don’t match his vibe energetically if he’s in a bad spot.
If we learn how to make ourselves happy, and make that our default state of mind, meaning where we quickly return after difficult emotions have passed, he can’t help but be attracted and drawn to this. It is completely infectious as masculine energy men deeply desire being around a happy woman. If he’s depressed, but sees you in your lightness and joy, he can’t help but move towards that.
The next time you want to stay stuck or talk to your parents, friend, or colleague about your unhappiness, stop and let it go. Return to your default state of being light and happy. You will be amazed at the changes this alone creates.
3. Stop Complaining
I remember in the early years in my marriage, before I realized how toxic my complaining was, I would just go on and on about my problems. If I felt upset I stayed stuck in it, if someone offended me, I stayed stuck in talking about the injustice of it all.
Of course your partner being depressed is not your fault. Having awareness on how we show up and where we put our energy though is huge. If we’re never satisfied, he feels like he’s failing us. If our contentment seems like an impossible task, he’ll feel unsuccessful and subconsciously blame himself for it.
Instead of complaining, move on. Get off of the train of negativity and stuckness.
Notice how your mind wants to resist this, and build a new habit. This takes daily practice and discipline.
You’ll then replace your negativity with more opportunities to connect, take care of yourself, and talk about the things you do want vs what you don’t. This creates a lightness and a joyfulness that he can’t get enough of!
If he can hear you laugh and it’s matched with a vibe of carefree ease, I promise he will move closer to you because that feels so good for a masculine energy man to be around.
4. Respect Him
Sometimes when a man is depressed, it can definitely feel like he doesn’t deserve our respect.
We may ask ourselves how he’ll figure things out if we don’t step in and help?
It can feel like he’s so far away, and at times like he doesn’t even have emotions.
Instead of reacting to that or trying to get a reaction from him- respect his need for space or whatever it is he’s asking for verbally or non-verbally.
We can also express our feelings authentically with feeling messages as long as we’re not putting it all on him with expectations.When we give time and space, we get to decide long-term if it’s what we want.
When we have that deeper trust and respect that our husband or partner is capable, and has the ability to figure it out all on his own, he becomes inspired to do just that.
If we’re mad and feel like we’ve got to step in and fix it, he loses his motivation and confidence.
We want to let go of the need to “manage” the situation. Men respond to actions over words, so if our actions are conveying that we know better than he does, he’s going to feel like he’s failing.
These are just four things you can do to support a man who’s dealing with depression.
I am confident I can help you navigate your unique love or relationship situation. Email me to book a free 30 minute discovery call here.
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