Relationships

When Things Are Not Feeling Good In Your Relationship

Hi! It has been a little while since I posted here…Fall always inspires me to get back to writing and sharing all that I continue to learn on love and relationships.
Over the past few months I have started working with a few women who have reached out to me when the relationship had reached a CRISIS level. They would ask ” What happened?! ” Or….”Why am I not good enough….pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough, etc.”
It got me thinking about when I felt like this and when I was in this tough spot with my own relationship.
The thing is that none of those things are REALLY true, but that is a story that we as women have become accustomed to telling ourselves. That there is someone who is prettier, smarter, funnier, sexier, skinnier, ETC.
I remember many times when my relationship was broken, how I told myself HORRIBLE things about myself. I had this whole story…and I convinced myself. They all had the same message: That I was not enough.
As I continued along my path of learning to heal my relationship and ultimately heal myself, I became really aware of all of the negative things I was feeding into MYSELF and MY RELATIONSHIP.
SO as the awareness grew, I stopped. I started slowly and steadily creating a new story. A story that was happier, more grateful, and more appreciative of me and everything around me.
I do remember in the beginning the challenge of getting away from the negative thoughts that had become my default way of thinking.
I decided that I would no longer say anything bad about myself or others and I would choose to focus on the good and share that authentically. As I continued this practice, it grew. Each day I shifted a little bit, until my default way of thinking was no longer so full of all that “junk” that was making me feel like CRAP all of the time.
As I shifted, my relationship also shifted. The household energy started to feel lighter. My husband started to feel more comfortable around me…we started to have conversations, and ultimately he started taking the lead in the relationship again. Everything completely changed.
So often we as women think we need to do SOMETHING when we actually need to do NOTHING. We need to ultimately love ourselves, know that we are enough as we are, and that we do not have to earn or prove ourselves to a man in order to be loved. As we learn this truth, it makes him love and cherish our feelings more. Ultimately LOVING and ACCEPTING ourselves with all of our vulnerabilities and flaws, is what gets the relationship back on track.
As always, I would love to hear how this feels for you.
Jen xoxox

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